20 Questions You’re Too Afraid to Ask Your Therapist About the Holidays

(Honest, non-cheery answers from a therapist who gets it)

You don’t have to pretend December is magical. The holidays can feel heavy, lonely, exhausting, and unfair, and that’s totally normal. Below are questions I encounter repeatedly in my work, the ones people hesitate to voice, even in the safety of our sessions. I’m answering them straight: no forced cheer, no “just focus on gratitude.” Just validation and realistic ways to get through.

1. Why do I feel so depressed around Christmas when everyone else seems happy?

The season shoves a single script in your face. “Big happy family, twinkling lights, joy”, and your life doesn’t match. That gap hurts. Depression during this time isn't personal failure; it's a meaningful response to external pressure, painful comparisons, and old emotional injuries being poked. The issue isn't with you. It's with the narrow script we're all expected to follow.

2. Is it normal to feel lonely at the holidays even when I’m with family?

Completely normal. Being physically surrounded doesn’t fix emotional loneliness. Family can remind you of what feels missing—connection, safety, being truly seen. Feeling alone while surrounded by people is a common and valid experience.

3. How do I get through the first Christmas after a loss?

Lower every expectation. Cry when you need to. Skip traditions that hurt. Create one tiny ritual that honours the person, such as lighting a candle, playing a song that reminds you of them, or texting a memory to a friend. You have full permission to approach this season with minimal energy.

4. How do I survive the holidays when I’m grieving and everyone expects me to be cheerful?

Stop managing others' comfort. Tell one trusted person, “I’m grieving and might need quiet moments.” Have an exit line ready: “I need a quick walk, I’ll be back.” Your grief doesn't ruin the holiday; pretending it doesn't exist does far more damage.

5. How do I set boundaries with my family at Christmas without starting a huge fight?

Use short, kind scripts: “I can stay until 8, then I need to head home for rest.” Don’t justify, argue, or over-explain. Practice out loud beforehand. Backlash usually lasts 10 minutes; your peace lasts longer.

6. What do I do if I don’t want to go home for the holidays but feel guilty saying no?

Your guilt will feel loud, but choosing to stay home isn't selfishness - it's appropriate self-care. Consider: "I've decided to stay local this year to rest. I'll reach out Christmas morning." You don't owe a big reason. One year of creating distance doesn't erase your care for people.

7. Why do I turn back into my teenage self when I visit my parents for the holidays?

Your childhood home is a time machine. Old roles (peacemaker, rebel, invisible kid) get triggered automatically. Notice when it's happening, name it internally ("that's my fifteen-year-old self responding"), and take regular breaks to reconnect with who you are now, such as stepping outside, messaging a friend, or grounding yourself in the present.

8. How can I manage Christmas anxiety when it’s not even December yet?

Anticipatory anxiety is remarkably common. Create what I call a "worry container": write down every concern you're carrying, then close the document. Make one small decision weekly (travel arrangements, spending limits) to prevent everything from accumulating. Small actions create a meaningful reduction in overwhelm.

9. How do I stop comparing my Christmas to everyone else’s on Instagram/TikTok?

Temporarily mute accounts, unfollow, or take a break from platforms. Replace even ten minutes of scrolling with something that genuinely nourishes you, like music, movement, or something that brings you actual presence. Comparison loses power when you stop giving it your attention.

10. How do I handle feeling behind in life when I see everyone’s holiday trips and perfect families?

Their highlight reel isn’t your scorecard. Write down three things that are true for YOU this year (even tiny wins). When the “behind” spiral hits, read the list out loud. Your life is not late; it’s just different.

11. What are realistic expectations for the holidays if I’m burnt out from work?

Expect to rest, not perform. One nice meal, one string of lights, one meaningful conversation, and that should be enough. Cancel anything that feels like another work project. Burnout doesn’t take a holiday, but you deserve to.

12. How do I say no to extra shifts/parties/travel without looking selfish?

“I wish I could, but I need to protect my energy right now.” That’s it. People may experience brief disappointment. They'll adjust. You're not being selfish; you're being honest about your limits. And that may respect you more for that.

13. How can I make the holidays feel less overwhelming as a new parent?

Release the pressure to create "magic." Young children need your regulated presence far more than elaborate traditions you feel you need to create. Coordinate with your partner, use disposable dishes without apology, and rest when your child sleeps. You being present and calm is the meaningful gift.

14. How do I create a calm Christmas for my kids when I’m already exhausted?

Pick two things that matter to them (cookies + lights, or movie + pajamas). Let everything else go. Kids remember how you felt, not how many activities you crammed in.

15. How do I cope with family asking about kids/marriage when I’m childfree, single, or dealing with infertility?

Prepare a redirect: "I'm content with where things are. How have you been?" and immediately shift the conversation. Or be direct: "That's actually painful for me to discuss; let's talk about something else." You don’t owe answers.

16. What are some low-cost or no-gift ways to do Christmas when money is really tight?

Shift toward shared experiences: creating decorations together, outdoor time, watching favourite films, or writing letters to each other. Communicate early: "We're focusing on time together rather than gifts this year." Most will feel relieved.

17. How do I handle being alone on Christmas Day without spiraling?

Plan a gentle structure: breakfast you enjoy, movies or shows that bring comfort, a brief time outside, and reaching out to one person. If you want human connection, volunteering for a few hours can provide that. Being alone doesn't mean abandoned. It can be peaceful when you treat yourself with care.

18. How can I protect my mental health while traveling for the holidays?

Pack comfort items (headphones, book, meds, snack). Build in alone time, such as morning coffee on the porch, evening shower. Tell hosts your limits up front. One meltdown in an airport bathroom is better than three days of pretending.

19. How do I manage sensory overload and social anxiety at big holiday gatherings?

Scout quiet spots ahead of time (guest room, car, backyard). Use a 5-minute reset: bathroom break, deep breaths, splash cold water. Bring fidgets or headphones. You can leave earlier than planned without explanation.

20. Is it okay if I just want a quiet, simple holiday instead of doing all the traditions?

Yes. Full stop. A quiet Christmas isn’t failing. It's clarity about what you need. Light one candle, order takeout, and wear comfy clothing all day. You’re allowed to choose ease over tradition. Anyone who calls you a Grinch doesn’t have to live in your body.

You’re not alone in any of this. If these questions hit close to home, bring this list to your next therapy session. No explanation needed. Or save it for the days when December feels too loud.

You don’t have to love the holidays. You just have to get through them (and you will, just like last December).

I’m rooting for you.